Comparing to the bride and groom
I wrote the article ‘To the groom’ first. Some female students requested the article so I thought it fair that in the interest of balance I should write one ‘To the bride’. To write the latter, I used the first as a template and changed parts that which I deemed necessary.
Both articles have seven parts. It starts with (1) an introduction in the form of a khutbah. It is followed by three scenarios; (2) there will be disputes amongst you so use shariah to resolve it, (3) there will be dispute amongst you which may seem irresolvable, and (4) there will be dispute amongst you which may persist. It finishes with the (5) highlights of their respective rights, (7) their duty to the new extended families and a (6) conclusion.
The khutbah has the same format but different qualities are emphasised. The husbands are reminded that Allah almighty is merciful and kind, the prophet is a mercy and kind, and the sahabah were devoted. The wives are reminded that Allah almighty is compassionate and appreciative, the prophet is a favour, and the sahabah were content. Men and women have different psyche and as such are reminded of the respective relevant qualities. The basic message to the husband is don’t be mean and the message to the wife is don’t be unthankful.
In the issue of resolving their dispute with the shariah as judge, they are reminded that the objective is to help each other but the man is warned against quenching his anger and the woman against quenching her annoyance. This is accompanied with an address to reducing the challenges arising from their respective roles. In terms of disputes which seem irresolvable, the husband is advised to share and talk to the wife and not shut her out whilst the wife is advised to be patient and not be incessant. The advice for the third scenario where they are faced with the irresolvable difference is the same for the husband and wife.
Naturally the part relating to the rights of the husband and wife is somewhat different but the inspiration is largely from one source – the final sermon of the prophet of Allah (صلي الله عليه و سلم) during the farewell pilgrimage. The message relating to the in-laws is the same in that they should be respectful to each other’s relatives whilst recognising the differences in their respective roles. The conclusion is the same for both.
Muhammad Saifur Rahman Nawhami
14 April 2013
3 Jumada II 1434